9/30/16 Morning Pages
Had a great day of writing yesterday. I have noticed that I need to be pushed to the absolute limit to have the breakthrough I need to make a meaningful issue. It is like this, every single time. It gets very dark, you feel you'll never crack the story-- you have dragged yourself into the dangerous realm of possible defeat and you never know if you're going to pull off a daring escape. Always painted in corners, always balancing a delicate collection of information and feelings. Maybe it's a sign from the great beyond that I'm supposed to only be doing music, as that comes so naturally to me that it often feels effortless, even when it's extremely hard and when it’s not working. But music still flows out of me, unless there is a bigger problem within myself. Writing is a true grind for me, but I like that about it. I like that it isn't easy for me, I like defying the message from the universe saying "You can't do this-- you might as well go back to what you know." So I work harder for this than I am used to, I scrap a lot and start over, gut something and re-arrange, jumping all over the document constantly, getting new ideas and facing new challenges. I wonder how many people there are out there that writing comes extremely natural to, almost effortless. I imagine there are some, but it still has to be extremely hard. Most of what I have heard writers say is that it is extremely difficult no matter who you are. That is the craft I’m told, that is the life.
The rewards of writing are slightly different, while at the same time sharing similarities to making music. The reward you get from pushing yourself past the breaking point but still holding it together, this happens with music too. But there is a specific satisfaction that comes from tackling something that feels a little out of your league at times.
Eh- I think I'd rather be writing something than writing about writing something. What do I know? I go on instinct, I'm generally in the dark still about the whole process.
I have started to think about writing a book, a work of fiction. (I just noticed I'm writing about writing again). In a way, aside from being a dream come true writing Doom Patrol, I see it as training in a lot of ways, see if I can hold myself accountable for producing. And the morning pages are also a part of this.
Bleh, more writing about writing. What is the fun in that-- no time to mess around with process-- time to go and put words on the page!